Making and Putting Out Fires, Literal and Not

As a newly married lady, I also take on another 'first' in my life: I no longer live in the sunny state of Florida. After spending 30 years in that fire-pit of a swampland, complaining about the sun and the rain and the ugly brown grass, I now find myself missing it all. I now live in Ireland :)

Today is exactly one week since we arrived back in Ireland. It is also, coincidentally, exactly one month that we have been married. Yay!!! A friend suggested, most likely as a joke, that I start a blog about my year here so that people back home can know what we are doing and what it is like in Ireland. Little did she know, I take most jokes seriously. I also will take any opportunity to write. And to talk about myself. So I'm starting this blog to tell everyone about Ireland. But I think it might also be interesting to add in things that I learn as a married lady. The good and the bad. Shhhh. Don't tell the other half. Wait, secrets. That should probably go on the bad side. And maybe also the good?

Something that has become a necessity to my life here in this rather chilly country is the ability to make a fire. I'm pretty sure I've never built a fire before. I've never HAD to build one! It is very rare that you need one back home, and sadly, I've never been camping. So there I was, on Day Two in a foreign country, alone at home because my husband had to immediately go back to work (Husband! Eek!!). Let's just say that there is NOT an exact science to making a fire, which really sucks for me because I want things to be the same every time. I want there to be instructions and if I do it the way I'm told, then by God, I better have a fire! WRONG.

So far, I have sprayed briquette pieces all over our living room; lost a piece of one of the fireplace tools IN THE FIRE; almost burned myself a number of times, and not been warm. BUT I have refused to give up. The thing about a fire is that once you get it started, you just have to add more coal to it every so often and it keeps burning for as long as you want it to burn. You just need to build a good foundation and then the fire can be sustained for as long as you make the effort to take care of it. And so for the last few days, I've been warm :)

Now let's relate this to a marriage. I'm learning that sometimes it's just not worth it to get your point across. How things make YOU feel is not always the most important part of the argument. Sometimes you need to just let it go and be more aware of how your words are upsetting your spouse. It might seem important to make sure the other person knows exactly when something he/she does upsets you, so that it's not done again in the future. But look at it from another angle: "I don't like it when you do that. Please stop" can sometimes be perceived as, "This is something that is wrong with you." And while it's important to help each other grow as individuals, it's also important not to beat the other person down under the guise of growth. Remember that pain which is unintentionally inflicted is still pain. So instead of pointing out your beloved's faults, perhaps it is better to just tell your spouse how much you love him/her and put out the fire. In the end, I think it will build a stronger foundation for the marriage, and allow it to really become that "fortress of well-being." Once you build a good foundation, the marriage can be sustained for as long as you make the effort to take care of it. And isn't that more important than whether it bothers you that the person leaves crumbs on the counter after making toast?