Mothers everywhere do it. They wake up at some unGodly hour so that they can feed their tiny human, wash the smell of spit-up off of their skin (which never truly happens), make themselves look halfway presentable, feed their tiny human again, and then drive off to be in an office for eight hours, realizing that a piece of their heart is still at home. It's not completely impossible to pull off.
But I don't wanna.
My leave ends in 3 weeks. It breaks my heart to think about leaving my little girl and I'm amazed to think of the women around the world who do it. It is an intense love, this motherhood gig. I spend my days watching her sleep, checking that she's breathing, smothering her poor face with kisses, and wondering if I'm doing anything right. I'm pretty sure that I am not. Not a single thing. Even the diapers must be on wrong. It is baffling that one can be covered in spit-up and think, "Okay, throw up all over me if it makes you feel better." And then to prefer that over being at work, earning money, talking to other people. She doesn't talk back yet so my conversations are rather one-sided at the moment. Although I am POSITIVE that she nodded her head in response to my question the other day. She's gifted, I know.
How do women do it? Some women have to go back to work because of money. Others are single parents. And even more just really like working and so they choose to go back. It's a little upsetting to think about how each of these groups judges the others. The happy-to-go-back mom thinks the stay-at-homers are too crunchy and not dedicated to their careers while the stay-at-homers think the happy-to-go-back moms don't really care about their children. The on-her-own mom usually doesn't give a darn because she is too tired to even think about any other mothers. And the desperate-for-money moms sit in a corner crying for whatever reason. Somehow, they all manage. They all get through the day and end up back at home with their babies. How do they do it????
I guess I'll have to figure it out sooner or later. Please pray that it's later. In the meantime, please excuse me while I go watch my baby sleep instead of changing into clothes that do not carry their own distinct scent. Her tiny mouth is so delicious!!!
