One Non-Sleazy Reason to Have a Secret Account

Money can be a problem in relationships. Both parties don't always agree on what is a good way to spend the money, or what is worth the deal, or which vacation costs so much that you want to cry. Some couples have separate bank accounts and their own "allowances" and I have NO idea how they regulate those types of things and dictate how bills are paid. But that doesn't matter, because it's not how our household operates. We share it all and both have access to everything. Yay! Sharing! BUT, I have officially found a non-sleazy reason to have a secret account, whether credit or bank:

GIFTS.

Our 1st wedding anniversary was last week (related blog to come soon). We went to Lanzarote and had a wonderful time. It was the perfect way to celebrate our first year of marriage. It was also necessary for simple weather reasons: deathly cold here, warm beaches there. Since we were planning on the big trip, we decided not to do gifts, paper or not.

I decided to get Husband a gift, anyway. Nothing exciting. Just something small that I knew he would like. Since he obviously has access to our bank account online, I paid with our paypal so that he wouldn't know about the gift. FAIL. I didn't know that paypal sends an email/receipt about the transactions it pays for. Guess whose email address is attached to our paypal. Not mine. Guess who basically never checks his email but happened to check it soon after this receipt was sent. Again, not me. So my secret was out.

Randomly, because I'm a freak who needs to control things and always know our financial status, I went online to check out our bank account sometime after that, not knowing that Husband had gotten the paypal receipt. And a curious smile spread across my face because there it was: a transaction at a jewelry store. Husband had bought me a secret anniversary gift!! Stupid joint checking account!

Needless to say, because we are both so caring and wanted to let the other have the secret, neither of us mentioned that the jig was up. Somehow it came up in Lanzarote and I found out he knew and vice versa and we had a good laugh about it.

But from now on, I might start secretly siphoning money from our account and paying for gifts with cash.

The Election Heard Around the World

As the election approaches as slow as sheep crossing tiny Irish roads inhabited with cars of impatient country-goers (I have sadly never seen this stereotype actually, but I HAVE seen said sheep milling around in the fields surrounding these tiny roads), the onslaught of public opinions on a private matter is steadily increasing. Many non-Americans seem to be under the inaccurate impression that Americans do not pay attention to anything happening beyond their own borders, if even that far. But it is not atypical for large numbers of people to have no interest in the election of governmental bodies in other countries. That is, of course, unless something extreme lies in the wake of said election, or that country is already in an uproar, or its citizens are living a tumultuous life that the world is already trying to rectify.

And so it surprised me that people here are paying attention to our election. I guess I figured it was not something terrible and so why should the world be concerned? But it IS something huge. This election has extreme repercussions, no matter the winner. I have never known of two candidates who have had such polar opposite viewpoints on so many topics that are important to the general public. I mean, you expect that they will not see eye to eye on some things. What a terrible thing it would be to agree with your opponent, or to have some sort of harmony in government! How dare they!! But these things are big issues that each is using as a gateway attempt to get more votes: abortion, gay marriage, healthcare, immigration, etc. They are not just feeling opposite things. They are firmly standing on their views and are trying to drag people into the voting booths based on these "promises for a better four years." This election will mean a lot.

As a Baha'i, I am not supposed to participate in partisan politics. To me, this means, "Do not blindly vote for a specific party; vote for a person. Have no specific affiliation to a political party. Find a candidate whose views you agree with and vote for him/her. If that means voting for a Republican when you think your views are more closely aligned with Democrats typically, then you vote for that Republican because you believe the PERSON is the best choice. And keep it private."
 

“It remains for the individuals to so use their right to vote as to keep aloof from party politics, and  always bear in mind that they are voting on the merits of the individual, rather than because he belongs to one party or another.”

           -Lights of Guidance, p. 441

We are also not supposed to speak of politics unless we are being positive. There is to be no degradation of individuals in government. This is usually hard, but we are human. We are not flawless. We can only attempt these things, knowing that God knows we are trying. So I will not be using this entry to pick a candidate (too late anyway. My absentee ballot was sent in WEEKS ago), or to berate a candidate or his followers. I will not even use their names.

  

“Speak thou no word of politics; thy task concerneth the life of the soul, for this verily leadeth to man’s joy in the world of God. Except to speak well of them, make thou no mention of the earth’s kings, and the worldly governments thereof. Rather, confine thine utterance to spreading the blissful tidings of the Kingdom of God, and demonstrating the influence of the Word of God, and the holiness of the Cause of God.”

            -Abdu’l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu’l-Baha, p. 92

Instead, I will use this entry to state an observation.

I have been in a few situations in just the last two weeks when, once the individual in question realized that I am American (because apparently my accent is not as obvious as I have always thought it was), I would be asked what I thought of a certain candidate (the same each time). And before I stated my opinion, the person would say, "Good grief with that man!" or "You should just stay here if he is elected!" or "He drives me crazy. He is always lying!"

I just found it so interesting because it was consistent across the board. And because they were so forceful and adamant about it. They were completely sure about their opinions on something that had nothing to do with them.

But it does.

What happens in one country affects every country, whether it is because jobs are or are not outsourced to other countries; because there are more or less imports/exports; because people want to get the hell out of the States and overflow another country's job market, or because people want to go to the States and it has become easier or harder to do so.

“The international laws of today are of vast importance, for as international politics bring nations nearer to one another- and thus promote a bond of oneness which acts as a magnet to attract the divine confirmations-the results and benefits are limitless.”

            -Abdu’l-Baha, Divine Philosophy, p.142

Here, people are going to college and there are no jobs when they are finished. There are actually programs that help them move to Australia. I have seen advertisements on buses, and when Irish rugby teams play in Australia, it is like a home game because there are so many Irish people there. Husband called it the Irish's USA of the '80s. Where will all of the Americans move if the candidate they cannot live under becomes the President that they must respect (but will not)? Well, they will not respect him, that is for sure. Maybe they will join the crowd waiting for the sheep to pass. Or maybe they will just kill the sheep that get in the their way.

I know what I will be doing: trying to snuggle the sheep.

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An Irish Floridian’s Dichotomous Life

 

Well, it has been about 4.5 months since I have written anything. I’ve been neglectful, I know. I’m sorry. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me. Or at least to keep reading anyway. It has been a busy few months with never-ending amounts of studying but I can proudly say that it has all paid off and I PASSED THE FLORIDA BAR EXAM!!!! It’s amazing how something you have worked and prayed for can shock you once you achieve it. Last night, while eating dinner, I looked at Husband and said, “I spent four months sitting at this table, from 8-5, 5 days a week, studying. And that was before I got into it hardcore. I can’t believe this day has finally arrived.” I am so incredibly blessed.

But back to justifying my absence. For about 1.5 months I was home in Florida, soaking up the sunshine and the swimming and wearing shorts and tank tops everyday. It was like Heaven. But a friend made a very good point about my now dichotomous life.

I spent 30 years living in Florida, appreciating the warmth but craving the cold. I would complain that we didn’t have a real winter. I would pine for scarves and boots and pretty winter clothes. Fall was (and still is) my favorite season because the evenings would cool down and the air would feel crisp and my Sista, BFF and I would decorate for our favorite time of the year. And we would take the Munchkin trick-or-treating and then sit outside in the nice cool breeze giving out candy to rambunctious kids excited for Halloween. And, of course, because of pumpkin spice lattes. They always make an appearance before Halloween, and you can enjoy them past Thanksgiving, along with other delicious pumpkiny treats. But the dichotomy begins upon recognizing that I spent most of my life in Florida huddled next to the air conditioning vent, begging for the cool air and stripping off my clothes. Well, at least to the extent that it was legal. And then I moved.

I moved to the Emerald Isle (do they really call Ireland that? I’m not sure. I heard it in a movie once. It’s definitely green everywhere), and formed the other side of the dichotomy. I moved here in January, with my huge coat, and my boots and my cousin’s soccer socks. I felt like I was prepared for the winter. Man, I could NOT have been more wrong. And apparently, I got a MILD one!! This so-called “mild winter” had me huddled in many layers that I have previously mentioned, and basically strapped to the electric heater or the fireplace. Well, near the fireplace. Fire safety is no joke, kids. The weather has been pretty nice since I arrived back from my summer in Florida, like Ireland has been trying to prove itself. Saying, “See?? You went to Florida where it was 92F/32C. That’s too hot for a regular human being! Come to Ireland! Love us! It is in the high 60s/low 70s here! We know how to do summer.” Although, some people still think this is kind of warm, Husband included (if it gets into the mid-70s). But the dichotomy continues, as I huddle up for warmth here.

And yet, I enjoy living in both places. Both places can be very pretty. Both places have good and bad weather. Both have our loving family and an awesome Baha’i community, although I don’t really have any friends here. I’m trying, though. I have started taking a ballet class and have met a couple of very nice girls. I will be seeing them tonight in our 3^rd week of class.

It all brings me to my final realization: we want what we don’t have. Well….other than my family and friends being far away, I have everything I want. I can put up with the dichotomous life for a little bit.

Living in a Cold Country

As many of you experienced, or at least now know, I have lived in Florida my entire life. That is 30 years of sunshine, the beach, swimming pools, iced tea and alligators that sweat. I now live in a COMPLETELY different weather pattern, and it is confusing to my social life.

In order to try and help my transition to life here, I finally made the change over to Celsius. I know you’re probably thinking, “Uhhh, you’ve been in Celsius for four months.” But I really haven’t. Any time anyone mentions the weather (which is usually the first topic that people come to because they are jealous of the Florida sun), I have described my homeland in terms of Fahrenheit and might convert if I knew of a specific conversion (which I usually didn’t). I recently decided that I would only refer to the weather in Celsius. You might be thinking, what’s the big deal? Well, to me, it is a big deal. It’s a change. It’s a change that I never expected to make in my life. And I’m a person who learns something and then sticks to that method because it’s supposed to work every time you do it that way. So this change is a difficult one for me. It has resulted in my frequently checking the weather app on my phone and switching it back and forth between C and F so that I can compare the numbers and try and remember what they convert into, but at least I’m trying. Here is what I have learned so far:

10°C=50°F

20°C=71°F

31°C=85°F

10°C-31°C=snuggle me please, Husband.

I find it kind of funny, actually, because everyone here talks about how hot 31°C is and how they can’t survive it, and I’m sitting here craving it and wondering whether or not Husband will melt when we finally move to Florida. He likely will. I think another reason that I have been reluctant to speak in Celsius is because when the numbers are lower it seems SO much colder. Which brings me to my original topic J

Living in a cold country is confusing to me. I have always said that I wanted to live somewhere that is cold because I was so sick of the hot weather. Now that I’m living that life, my mind thinks about the grass being greener and other such applicable clichés. I now know that my body just can’t handle the cold. I spend every day wearing two or three layers of shirts, sweaters, tights, socks, and then I put furry boots on top of it all. And that’s just to stay inside the house! I wouldn’t even mind that….if I wanted to stay at home all the time. The rampant and abusive cold, tic-tac sized hail, and afro-inducing wind keeps me from wanting to leave the warmth of my guest blankets and the couch. I’m beginning to realize, however, that not everyone feels the same way (particularly my husband) and that I need to get over it (my words, not his). People keep on living their lives despite bad weather. Go figure. They simply put on more clothes and go stand in it. They put on their tights and jeans and coats, and then they pile wet gear on top of it and grab an umbrella and they go and live their lives.

At first I thought the weather was too harsh. I was better off at home. But I’m realizing that I’m missing out on things by being afraid of the cold. I’m missing my life. Before I moved here, I was looking forward to living somewhere new and experiencing different things. But the wind scared me into my house and I’ve been missing out on those experiences. Even if it was something simple like not wanting to walk to the store because my face was already numb from walking to the bathroom. Or avoiding doing yard work (which I love!!) because there is too much rain. I’m going to suck it up and live my life, regardless of weather pattern!

Lunch on the patio on a beautiful sunny weekend would be nice, though. But then again, so would a patio table and chairs. 

Good Ole Country Livin'

We technically live in the country. Not as in “the Republic of Ireland” but as in cows. If you look out the window of our back bedroom, you will see a number of large fields, one of which houses a previously mentioned horse whose owner seems to think it is a car. Living in the country here is very different from living in the country back home. In the States, country living involves fresh iced tea and fried chicken, porches and rednecks, football and cornbread. That’s what I think of when I think of country. The country is not what I’m used to, but it’s interesting.

There is something here called a “country smell.” Since moving here, I have discovered that this smell is really just the smell of manure. I’m guessing due to those darn cows and horses. Recently, Husband has walked out of the house and exclaimed, “Oh, there’s that country smell.” Now, to me, it has been smelling like burnt rubber and machinery. I can handle that smell having grown up spending a lot of time in gas stations and mechanics’ garages. Speaking of which, why don’t I know anything about cars??? Fail. Regardless, oddly enough, it reminds me of home. I’m not looking forward to when the smell goes back to smelling like poo.

There is a lot of empty land out here. It’s really pretty and provides for good scenery. It makes the area quieter than I’m used to since I moved here from the Hispanic ghetto and its loud and happy music. But back to the land. If you go to the main road and walk for about three minutes, you will see a number of extremely large houses on one side. There is one house in particular that I noticed today. It is large enough for at least ten people to live in, and is surrounded by all this land. It is extremely empty land, reminding me of little boys rolling down hills; of little girls running down these same hills, in bouncy spring dresses, with their arms spread wide in an attempt to take off in flight. Such sad, empty land. I wonder why the owners haven’t done anything to it. If I lived in that house, there would be cherry blossom trees and hyacinths and daffodils. Daffodils everywhere. And a bench for sitting and reading, surrounded by fragrant flowers. Passersby would not be able to take their eyes off of my garden. If only I lived in that house with its empty land.

Another aspect of country living is a lack of sidewalks, or footpaths, as they are called here. The roads are narrow with high foliage on either side and yet no sidewalks. You basically endanger your life anytime you leave the house to walk to the store for a loaf of bread. Thankfully, we are a gluten-less household, and so my death-defying moves are few. However, I do enjoy the walks. They give me a chance to get some much needed fresh air; to see other people; to practice my American Idol auditions as I walk past the children at the playground and their parents who are likely confused by the weird and wandering American girl. These walks make me feel less lethargic, as I have started my studying and now spend too much time in the house. I just wish there was a less car-infested path to take my walk on.

There are daffodils ALL OVER this country! It is FANTASTIC! They are so bright and happy and just pop up all over the place. They are in little clusters that were obviously planted by someone other than Mother Nature. They are random and sporadic in fields and along roadsides. They are in people’s front yards and on their kitchen tables. They are everywhere, ready to put a smile on my face at any given moment. Mission accomplished.

Some days I like country living, when I want to be somewhere quiet and don’t want to deal with the traffic and the noise and the vulgarities of city life. There is a calming sense of community in the country. On other days, I am not such a fan. Those are usually the days when I walk outside and it smells like poo. Go figure.

A Green Country

The greenery here is so different from what I’m used to seeing. The grass is thin and soft. It lends itself to picnicking on a rare sunny day. It dances a sophisticated, synchronized ballet on the unfortunately common windy afternoons. It is long and tall and is not often bothered by the harsh blades of a loud machine reeking of gasoline. It is softly chewed by horses inhabiting the countryside, but only when those horses have not taken to the uneven and narrow streets. It grows in tufts and clumps together, looking bumpy and elevated and inconsistent. The grass here is lovely and not alone.

Guarding every house from stray dogs and floating paper bags is a fence or a short wall. And guarding these walls are vines. Long, twisting vines that ascend from the ground and take over these walls. Spreading their dark greenery, invading crevices in fences, and hanging over corners of stone. Building a refuge for bugs to hide from the vicious wind. Providing a soft place for the many birds to stand. Gripping and growing, stretching and draping; joining the grass when it sees fit to descend back towards its beginning. The vines here are lovely and not alone.

The trees are abundant. They are overwhelming. They line every crooked street outside of the “city.” They hide tiny rivers that flow behind them and provide a home for those many birds with protected feet. With their moss-covered branches and leaves dripping with rain, they attempt to meet the cars that pass. They shade people from the coveted sun and the misty rains. The trees here are lovely and not alone.

This is a country of greenery. This country’s greenery thrives off of the rain that clouds most of its days. The sunny days are sporadic and surrounded by soft droplets floating through the sky. Floating, not falling. They seem to move sideways and greet you, giving an unwanted kiss on the cheek like one from a drunken man in a bar, smelling of cigarettes and cheap beer. And yet it is refreshing at times. Sometimes, it is so light and dainty that it can go unnoticed as you walk down the street. It rejuvenates you and gives you the opportunity not to feel dampened, ironically enough. The rain here can be lovely and it is not alone.

It has me.

A Spiritual Marriage Forms a Stronger Marriage

There have been a number of Baha’i events here in Cork in the last few weeks. It has been so wonderful getting to know the community here. It is filled with so many loving people and they have instantly made me feel welcome and at home. There has been a cluster reflection meeting (where we discussed what events have been taking place in the community and what new ones would be starting), feast (which is the Baha’i equivalent of church), a devotional for departed loved ones, and a Book 3 refresher course (this Book is based on teaching children’s classes). The Book 3 is taking place in our home. Jeff and I were both so upset that we are technically outside of the city limits because that meant that we wouldn’t be able to have feasts in our home. It is so uplifting to have spiritual meetings in your own home. It blesses the walls that you spend your days in. So since we couldn’t host feasts at home, I volunteered to have Book 3 here on Thursday mornings.

Our first meeting was last week, and let me just say that it made me smile. First off, it was so nice to have people here! We haven’t had too much company because our weekends have been pretty full, what with rugby matches and setting up the house and purchasing things that we didn’t have yet. So this was really the first time that we had non-family members in the house. And it made me SO happy! The class itself was great, discussing the blessing that it is to teach children.

Something else that the community planned was a prayer vigil, for the cluster, for healing, for strength, for anything. It took place on a Sunday and went all day, with people having signed up to say prayers during specific time slots so that there were prayers being said all day. I thought it was a very nice idea. So Jeff and I woke up and came downstairs, and for 30 minutes we prayed together and listened to beautiful music. When the time was finished, I felt like it had gone by too quickly. It was so wonderful to sit with Jeff and pray together, and we both felt such a closeness afterwards.

To me, a spiritual marriage forms a stronger marriage. When you have a spiritual likeness and connection with your spouse, the bond between the couple becomes stronger. This connection helps to make the love even more special as these two souls begin their journey together through all the worlds of God. And it is made even better when your in-laws also share that connection with you. Last night, my in-laws had a devotional at their house for departed loved ones. It was the anniversary of Jeff’s uncle’s passing and they had the evening in his memory. And I felt even closer to them as they relived the pain in losing someone they loved so much, and then as they relived the joy in remembering that his soul was ascending in Heaven as we prayed for him and others.

I can’t imagine a marriage that doesn’t recognize and crave God’s love. I feel blessed to be one half of a spiritually invigorated marriage.